Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
