i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
