i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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