I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
