Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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