The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He felt like a one man threesome
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
