Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
