You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
