I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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