i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
