woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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