areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
