remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Found the puke drawer
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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