If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
