SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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