Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
