Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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