my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
