I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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