is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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