Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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