she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
