now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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