Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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