I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
