i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Are we still banned from the library?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
