The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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