Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
