some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
