You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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