His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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