Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
