did you get engaged???
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
