We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sorry my hands just texted you
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize