the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
