My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
