It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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