38 yer olds are good kisserssss
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
