margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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