He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize