i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
