i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
