You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
