I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
