So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Actions speak louder than pants.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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