I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
