too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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