a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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