the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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