Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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