so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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