What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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