Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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