I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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