Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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