so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
