u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
