Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
