guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
