If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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